This is the last of the series of 3 on menopause, male and female.
I hope it has helped with some clarity regarding a very natural phenomenon.
Part of what happens at menopause is the sense of a loss of virility for a man and conclusion of fertility for a woman. These are major keystones in human development. We are reminded that our bodies are changing, our waists are increasing and we tire a bit sooner. And what about those hot flashes? Who are we now?
Menopause can alienate a couple as the woman feels too hot and certainly the man doesn't want to lie next to a furnace that can ignite at any time.
This is THE time for understanding, sharing and being open with one another, ie are you ok?
What is it like seeing your body change? How are we going to get through this together? How about intimacy with all these changes? Talk-talk-talk!
Better yet, YEAH!!!! We are alive, healthy and embracing another transition. We are blessed to be able to transition as some people never reach this age.
What can we do to get through this event as easily as possible? Let's look at a few ideas starting with one that should seem easy in a healthy couple.
THE CHALLENGE
Could we fall more deeply in love with one another as we transition to the next step? Have you thought about that? Could we develop new interests together? Could we get healthier together? Join a gym? Can I learn to cook or can you teach me how? Can you talk me into mountain biking? Could we run a 5k together and maybe meet new, invigorating friends? Could we move to Mexico? The Caribbean? (Or at least take some vacays to ignite a new zest for life)
Because, if you don't continue to embrace life you might give in to the lounge chair. That is not good, because one person starts the habit and drags the other one into the chair. Ugh!
Every article you read, or don't read, tells you to exercise, watch alcohol intake, eat a lean diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, and they quickly add socialization, reading and pursuing intelligent paths in your life.
What about intimacy? See how that word keeps coming up?
Am I talking about retirement? No. These are the things to be aware of, if you haven't already, at a time called menopause. It is the preview of how you are going to age.
The exercise balances your neuro-chemistry to stave off menopausal changes in your brain.
Alcohol, of course, is tied to poorer cognition and God forbid, Alzheimers.
Socialization-undoubtedly important. It maybe harder to meet new people as we get older, but you just need to look for like minded people wanting to be alive. Mexico?? LOL
Reading, stretch your brain, volunteer, take a class. Learn a new language.
Intimacy, here is that word again, and not just talking about sex. True intimacy is in the mind. It is extremely important. The closeness, the bond, all very important. After menopause there are some inherent difficulties. Erections may not be as spontaneous, and a woman's drying vagina can be painful during sex for both partners. It is hard to think about having sex when it hurts. There are a host of lubricants available, KY Jelly, etc. Some women need to use a little estrogen creme, but not at the point of intercourse. It is a separate regimen, one that she must discuss with the HCP. The same thing is true when a man uses testosterone. Women should not be exposed to t-creme. Lovemaking can actually be much more intimate at a time when there are no risks of impregnation, plus at a time when hopefully stress is reduced due to age. It takes time to navigate the bodily changes with a great deal of sensitivity.
Read each others' cues. The book Men Are From Mars, Women From Venus, says it all. It is a worthwhile read.
Plus, The Four Laws of Love by Jimmy Evans clearly explains that men and women are on different paths to hopefully the same attainable goal, a loving relationship. We just speak differently, neither is right or wrong.
At menopause men and women have established patterns of behavior. It can be disconcerting when a mans' testosterone drops, possibly becoming a little softer, emotional and a womans' estrogen drops with a little more testosterone dominance. Now what? Embrace the new chemistry. See what the other person needs. Share the feelings.
You are not yet retired, that is the next hurdle. Just simply embrace each other for the good, downplay the bad and be kind and loving to one another.
So, with all that cheery news, how do you navigate this mine field?
It is not a simple task, but it is one that is controllable.