As a lot of you know, James had back surgery this past week.
After two years of wanting to get the surgery, it had grown to the point that he had difficulty walking over 15 minutes without weakness in his setting in. We HAD to get it done.
He bravely decided to get the surgery and was happily anticipating the day. It was outpatient, out by 2 pm and home. He felt no pain, we were both ecstatic.
Next day, reality struck. We were on a high thinking this was it, no pain, at least manageable. Wrong.
So, as a Nurse Practitioner it seems logical that I could take care of him. I could anticipate his needs, be there for him in many ways. But I am here to say that we are only human. Watching someone that you love suffer is difficult.
Their expectations of you are high because you are the NP. You must have countless energy, be able to read my mind and anticipate every need I have. Surely you don't get tired, right?
I am here to say that I tried to do those things, that is all. We do our best, as you do your best.
I have such a respect for chronic caregivers who never see the end in sight. The amount of emotional toll it takes to do that job is beyond comprehension. The exhaustion, the lack of socialization, empathy, etc.
The worst part is over for James. I can even see the light, lol. But it is a reminder as to what could I do better.
They get cranky out of pain, isolation and just generally not feeling good. The goal is for ME not to get cranky, good luck! Right there, that is the art of being a caretaker. Do your best, get out of the house, walk outside, no alcohol, call a friend, take a long shower, watch a tv show that you have been wanting to watch, read a magazine or a book, but most of all, give yourself grace for doing your best. Take breaks. Those things will work for you. It is called distraction.
Mostly I am writing this to suggest to all of us to be kind, compassionate, loving and watch out for the "chronic caregivers" who need YOUR time, love and attention. Most likely no one is watching out for them, maybe we can help.
Just some thoughts on this beautiful Saturday evening.