As many of us are still reeling from the grief of the most recent school shooting, we have to ask ourselves how and why is this still allowed to continue to happen in this country? I literally wanted to vomit when I heard of the newest event as I just had the most incredible time with my 3 munchkins, 3, 6, and 8. I am quickly reminded that no matter how hard life is, there are these beautiful humans willing to share their lives with us. I am even more blessed by a 13 year old in Boise that I love dearly. They can't understand it, but neither can we. So here are 4 mini-people, a 3 year old plus 6, 8 and a 13 year olds that are directly affected by evil. Is this the best that we can do for them, living in fear of what if? I think in writing this post it is cathartic for me in a strange way, but mostly I want to remind people that there are avenues for kids to release their feelings after these tragedies. Firstly, with their parents. If you are unsure how to address this subject, the school usually has a counselor available to help guide you. If the feelings are deeper and need to be explored more, most medical plans have the availability of counseling services. Age appropriate discussions are a really good idea, of course. But how do we know what to say to guide them? One source, A Kids Book About School Shootings, Crystal Woodman Miller. Another for adults, This Is Where It Ends by Marieke Nijkamp. There are many other books about the subject on Amazon so consider looking into it a bit further. There have been 50 people killed or injured in K-12 school shootings across the US in 2024.* Fifty! Obviously the problem is not going away. Put pressure on your politicians, let them know, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. As important, be safe and protect your children, *USA Today
No matter where you are on this continent, death rears its' ugly head in many ways. It is never timely, generally not chosen, sometimes predictable, but the pain is the same for those left behind. We lose someone that we love or cared about, and that is the definition of loss. James and I had the privilege today of going to a beautiful ceremony at a Catholic Church in a tiny community. We did not know the woman, she was 53 years old, far too young to die suddenly. She was stoic and did not complain about her aches and pains and with 11 other people living in the home, personal time to think about oneself was probably at a minimum. We know her husband, a very hard worker in our development and one of the kindest hearts you would ever meet. He collected our community trash and did construction. We would leave him wrapped up clothes as there were 11 people in his home. There was always a sweet exchange. The point is his loss. We attended today to honor him and his family and to take part in this beautiful ceremony. It was very modest. His pickup truck actually held the casket and 6 pallbearers. Behind the truck was a walking processional through this tiny village of all the people that loved her and/or wanted to share in the grief. The simplicity of the funeral was fairly stark, but people turned to greet us, shook our hands, and proved that we could all bond together, no matter what race, color or language. We were all there for the family and our only goal was support. I share this with you as it was the kind of experience people should have, simple love and community at its finest hour.
Recently I have had a few requests to publish thoughts on "who are we" plus, how do we build self esteem even as adults. They are one in the same to me because if our self esteem is low, we are not sure where we fit in this world. There is so much pressure on people now a days that people don't even have time to think about self esteem, let alone, who they are. Everyone is busy with schedules, obligations, making money, children and other family obligations and don't forget "keeping up with the Jones's. This has happened to everyone, unless you have already checked out. Why is it that we allow this to happen? When did we give up on ourselves? Self esteem is defined as "confidence in one's own worth or abilities, self respect". Self esteem begins as a child with just the right parents, environment, sleep patterns, food and exercise. It requires a community of people, hopefully a family, that nourishes the individual. It means they have to have all these factors in alignment. How often does that happen? So as adults we question the world, our place in the world. Do we measure up compared to Facebook, Instagram and Tik Tok? Those are not even measurements that we should consider comparing ourselves to. Who are we in the surroundings in which we live? Do we have friends that can depend upon us? Are we loyal? Are we available in a crisis? Do we take the time to listen to people that need us? Are we GOOD people? Do our pets love us and can depend on us? Do we nurture our own children to compliment the world and not just take from it? Are we encouraging our children to protect young, old, pets and other peers? Do we teach "do no harm" plus respect. If you can say that you do these things then I believe you should be proud of yourself as a human being. Self respect comes from knowing that you do these things and you do no harm in this crazy world. I ask you to consider these factors and if you get most of them then you are an outstanding human being. Please respect yourself and go forward with pride. There isn't much more than that in life except being the best that you can be and taking care of yourself to be ready to help others. That is how you build self respect. * Would love to hear your thoughts on this article in the comment section.
Another way to look at this is do you look at the glass half full or full? Do you see life through a disappointing lens? It would be easy to do but I am inviting you to turn this around. How old are you? How old are you mentally notice I didn't say feel? I just read that many of us will be octogenarians. Actually it is predicted that by 2040 the will be 14.4 million of us. See how I include myself in that figure, lol? That number has doubled since 2020. We must be doing something right. As we age there are some people that just want to "get it over with", others like me who plan to hit that new number, and some in the middle. But why not prepare your mind for what is yet to come. A very good friend of mine is taking a difficult computer class just to to stay sharp and keep learning. We go on adventures and laugh all day and admit we are so lucky. Stop thinking about medical for a day, think about what it would take to add the kind of desire you need to age happily and gracefully. Write a letter to yourself and see where the stalemate is. Do you need new friends? Do you need to be around a more youthful energy? Do you need to take a class to stimulate all that grey matter in your brain, do you just need to dance? Come on people, shake it up, find your joy and don't think about disappointments as much as finding your inner child. It is in there and you might journal, talk to a trusted friend OR go to counseling. Probably not going to get it from your husband unless you are married to someone decades younger. But remember, you can be a teacher to him.
Despite having a beautiful vacation with my grandkids, there have been quite a few challenges that my friends' are going through, which certainly affects anyone that cares/loves them. It allows one to step up for them, but it also gives you a chance to ponder our own vulnerability. The people that are experiencing these challenges, which are major, are kind loving people that you wouldn't wish any harm. Why do we have to go through painful chapters? That is the question I pose for myself and all of us. Also, how do we survive major life challenges and come out the other side? I think it is important to frequently survey our own lives, not just the new cars, trips, nice house, but what we can offer others. I frequently talk about watching out for others, but do we do it? Do we do it before there is a tragedy? Do we have any skill at helping them, a plan. You might ask, well, how am I to know what to do before it happens? I think it is important to leave time in your life for emergency care. If we are booked so tight in the day, how do we stay connected so that person can feel your availability. Example-a friend tonight emailed me with the worst news I have heard in a long time. Life altering, family altering, etc. I know what to do to help her. In my heart, I know how I can give her the most that I have, which might not be enough, but at least I am trying and she will know it. If I am not the only person stepping up, which I am sure I won't be as she is a beautiful person, then a community of love will help get her through this. It won't make the incidence go away, but she will feel the support and know she is not alone and has help. It is always easier to just ignore the situation and think that others will step up, but to know you actually did something, that is the rewaard. One day we will all need someone strong to be our "backbone", and I ask you to consider whether or not you are up to the challenge. THAT is being human.